life and things

Today I saw a note Sadly enuff I tot I was over the part where I still have feelings about all of these things. Honestly,I tot so But to my dismay I felt really bad. I simply cant seem to get over this issue.i had a dream last night about maggots….worms they were everywhere. Really sad.i begin to ask myself-does this mean that I cannot get over this thing and get myself to do something to make me happy? To get out and do things and make myself happy andsocialise. Honestly I know I need to get out more,see the world and all of that stuff ya So I know it is quite silly of me considering the fact that for a very long time I don’t even think of him,maybe I do like every three days. Well,I long gave up on that but it seemed so hard for me to realise that I have to move on..i have to completely move him out of my life and stuff.

Sometimes I just sit and wonder about dynamics. The dynamics of love and relationship,connections and all of that stuff. The reasons why in life I have met two wonderful people I was ready to spend a lifetime with but thye just wouldn be with me. Is there something about me besides my head that says go aways? I really wondr. So I have decided to face my issues,my fears and insecurities. I know that as a protective mechanism I have always thought of myself as not being too out there. I don’t want people to see my butt,I don’t want anyone to know how big my breasts are,I want to hide my figure,everything. I have dressed down in colour and all u could think of. I wouldn wear high red shoes until a year ago,I would never buy a red bag,plenty of issues. It was just all about hiding. My physical appearance didn put anyone off,once they got attracted. I just wonder what does. SIn case,I think I was so besotted with him,with how wonderful he was and with all the connection,we over...

life and things

The strange case of love I get tired too. I do because love ought to be fun. It doesn’t have to hurt to feel good and I don’t have to feel like I’ve given up the world just to love you. Besides, what makes this a pathetic story is the fact that you do not want my love and I’m so stupid, weak and foolish that I cant hold it back. I think I cant help myself but I know I can because the first time I saw you,I didn’t really like you. This is all a product of my mind. playing awful tricks on me. Why would my mind decide that you are the best? why would my mind decide that there can be no other like you. Take note of the fact that it has done this before. in alarming proportions. So that’s why I’m begging it now. After all,I got over the last one as I will over you. If u could hurt me so bad and yet still I survived,then I can go through Somalia,Rwanda and hunger. Strive,malice of unknown proportions. Then I can go through whatever life throws at me and come out strong. I wonder what I ever ...

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Mama's boy said he'd die if he didn marry me.i'm still unmarried but i haven't heard from him in so long i hope his prophecy didnt come true.he was my longest normal relationship.meaning,he spent a lot of time convincing and chasing me to be with him.maybe he's the one who knows?anyway,i always had a thing of a grudge with dating someone who was on my level.meaning,men had to be years ahead by at least four to five and have the maturity of ten years ahead of that age.do i ask for too much?no.i don't think so.anyway,after some months of begging pleading and gifts,i decided to give his love a chance.attention breeds affection so imagine why u should immidiately discourage anyone whom u don't remotely stand a chance with from excessive loving gestures.spontaneous romantic outings,all the works.sooner than i knew mama's boy was around all times of the clock,became somewhat a part of my life,the rest,history.there had however been this recurrent decimal issue...

I can't ever remember loving someone just like that.maybe once in my early life,at sixteen.it happened that i had a huge crush on some boy whom i spent so much time with.i think he liked me too.it would have made lots of sense with all the time we spent talking.in person,on the phone racking up phone bills for our parents,we just couldn stop talking.i think that was the most innocent and humbling experience i had of love.forget about how it turned out.no,we didnt eat the forbidden fruit.things with love just went warped and downhill after that.there have been go's and in betweens and now i find all of it could make a lovely story and a very interesting read.i will tell the story.