life and things

Wow! I feel relieved. I just typed a long email to C And I have opened up about everything. Now he knows I know.. And I was so sweet about it because that's how I really feel. You know.... Wow. I am so much better. It doesn't pay to just mull around and keep things inside. Somehow a heavy load has been lifted from my head. I am so relieved. And we have just had an hour long talk. Conclusion- this relationship was jazzed somewhere along the line. Another one down. That's the end. In my mind now he's taken and that's it. I said so many things. But at least I also got answers. Somehow he just lost it. And it's fine like that. To cupid I dash you your man. Have him,enjoy him. Love him,do whatever you please with him. How could we have been so happy with each other and then suddenly everything I do is wrong I'm sad a bit You know why ? I still love him. Imagine this! I don't know what I'm missing right now .. Is it the ne...

Somehow somewhere We are just waiting for that time The ultimate time. *

My memories of the times I spent with you leave me soft and moist and happy that sometime in my life I got to experience what bliss feels like. What it means to wake up beside someone you love. To be with someone who understood you completely and whom you knew eevry inch of. I can never forget the times we sat talking. Hours on end. Gisting.laughing.pouring our hearts out while I talked to no end. I loved every second of my life with you. Forever may never be ours. Ive given up on us already. Inside I know.. u r irreplaceable. Maybe I'll marry someone I feel as deeply for. But the truth is that I gave my soul. I may never get it back. Yes.  It belongs to God. But where humans are concerned u have a good part of me. I love you although sometimes it feels like I dont. Deep down inside I know thia transcends love. If there ia anything deeper. You are it. Yea you. You. You know yourself. My button eyes. The one who has defied all nicknames. Y...

Looking around for support and wishing you weren't ao far away. I need to talk to you and I wish today was your call day. I pray for you and I know God is keeping you. I really want to say to you all that is on my mind and the fear I feel. I dont feel like writing these exams. I am at the lowest ive been in a long time. Im probably approaching clinical depresion because its getting harder to fjnd the things that will makw me happy or smile. I have no eeason to be joyful. I have to keep living and acting like I really care about being alive and going through the motions How many times can a man be broken and rise again I just want to go on vacation Somewhere far away where I can think about my life and everything. No activity A beach. Something. Just lay. Think Do nothing. Watch people live Get it done with. I miss you fbi. Come back soon and be a fixermeupper *

Breakfast - 2 slices of bread stuffed with sardine fish mashed into a paste with flavoured margarine,low fat and one boiled egg and water Lunch/snack- m and m small pack and water - this was the cheat for which I had no lunch. Dinner- rice one serving spoon ,turkey and one cow skin with beans. Taken green tea and hoodia caps. Energy still low Recovering from malaria. Working it up slowly xoxo

The truth being that I just can't deal with life anymore I don't have zeal,drive,nothing The only person who can talk me out of this is away in the field and really I don't know if he still enjoys un burdening I'm going through a lot physically and otherwise in my head and it's a difficult time for me. I've alienated myself from my colleagues,I'm trapped inside myself. I don't think I can go on. I just want to lie In bed all day. I'm sad. I don't believe God sometimes. Everyday I ask for a sign that he's speaking to me. No fighting spirit left The me here and the me who tweets are different. This is the broken me. Soon as I leave here I put on a cloak. Now I understand how simone battle was able to appear functional when she was dying inside. Do you call this a cry for help ? I don't think so. I thnk what it is is far worse My thyroid is ruining my life This is my active conclusion. xoxo