life and things

I'm so happy for these two. I can't imagine the level of intimacy two people would share so much they would travel for a vacation together before they are married Don't get me wrong but I won't be checking into countless hotels with a man who hasn't legalised me. This aint about me though. As the stalker that I am, I went on facebook and whoo! The status made me go awww- Living beyond my dreams and a picture by the bay holding railings face up to the sun smiling. A happy woman in love ! I actually hate c for leaving her to come date me and causing me so much pain. Someone who loves you that much ? Aww, shuks no! My idea of a vacation won't be holding a railing somewhere though although I'll do that. I'm all for pristine beaches and dainty feminine deals and stuff. I love travel but I sincerely can't afford it now neither will I know where to go. He lived in italy abi where for months so he def knows where to take her. She's happy and that's w...

Sometimes it hurts Other times You just take it all in stride and walk on. Yes, for the past to days I was beside myself in pain. I thought of everything from the beginning Cupid's clothes in his house Spread everywhere Hairnet Underwear Nightwear House shorts Entwined with his clothes I had to ask myself why c would lie to me. This was in January. Six weeks after we started dating She was back in his life. Those things weren't there the first time I visited. What amazes me is that even when he came back from dubai,usa. Her things were in his house still. Every second I was gone,she was there. It hurts me to no end. And I may never recover from it I can recover from someone not loving me anymore because they are human. I can't recover from lies and deceit How do I look him in the face ever again ? This is why I didn't go to their office that last lagos trip. I saw his car and I said to myself I'd rather not go to south africa than see him. So I told the cab to pass....

Have you ever been heartbroken ? I doubt. You'll spend days,months going over every little detail of the days when you were supposed to be happy. Analysing everysecond thing , every thought .. You cry at the slightest provocation. You can't do anything Right now I feel like I've lost the will to live. I can't read for my exams. Of course you'll say I'm foolish. But I can't I can't will myself to do anythhing else I'm typing posts about heartbreak all day. It's crazy. I know I'll get over it I keep imagining them on vacation together and cursing the day when I found that facebook page. I know someday I'm going to get over it. People are just so wicked. With her firmly entrenched in his life he took me in and used me for a spin. I am beyond broken There has to be a level after broken Like a wrench driven through you. It hurts so much you feel the physical pain. xoxo

So some drama ensued on sunday morning I was in my corner trying to move on with my life when it all came to me. Rushing like a wave of discoveries. I had been dating someone who was still actively involved with his ex girlfriend. Infact I don't know if I was the other chic or the real chic. Her clothes were in his house and he claimed them to be for his sister. I even washed her negligee the last time I was there. Maybe he liked me or something But I simply can't understand what I was doing there while she was still in his life. I try to imagine that's probably how it felt for FBI's second to the last girlfriend. But I wasn't even in the picture I let him do his thing and I didn't even show up until it was over. Yes, I know I've always been in the horizon but not in such a way as to destroy another woman's happiness. I don't know what parents seriously allow their child to travel alone with a man who hasn't married her. What if they go to some c...

I'm crying then I stop to ask myself a few questions. Did he deserve me ? I was totally honest to him about everything. Did he deserve me ? Did she know about me ? Did she call him delibrately all those times? Did he have good intentions for me ? What was his motive ? All the food he gave me did she cook it ? I'm questioning everything that happened when we were together and I'm trying to make sense of it all. I'm only going to pray for healing for my heart and thank God for the life I have. For I used my hands to wash his girlfriends clothes thinking they were for his sister. I'm wondering if there has been any other humiliation like this. But I promise myself one thing. 30years is enough lessons already. I've had the last one from ce and c the lady in question perhaps innocent of all his doings and I don't owe anything. I don't want to say she knew he was dating someone else or what she thought. I don't want to say she sat somewhere laughing at m...

They say it takes months to get over someone. Somehow I wish I hadn't discovered c and his girlfriend or unearthed the can of worms that had existed there before I arrived. I'm just crying because of how foolish I must have looked and thankful to God that I have been removed from such a potentially harmful situation. Someone already loves you to the moon and back, why did you need me ? You broke up with her but she had personal effects all over your house. I'm not saying I'm anything special here. Afterall, I had my own kind of situation with F and we have arranged ourselves. I didn't deceive anyone with him. I just can't get over the discoveries I've made this morning. As far back as when he made the b facebook page, she opened a page for herself. No prior facebook info before then. All the months before we broke up, consistently updating whatever was on b page. I don't know how to feel but I'm just saying to myself incomprehensible words. Things I ...

I found your soulmate on facebook. So nice. She's pretty. You've known her for four years and just 2weeks after we broke up you were still her soul mate. And chika is her sister. The one who was baking in your house and who owns the baking things in your fridge. And a she's size 6uk and the owner of the shoes you claimed are for your sisters friend. And the owner of all the clothes I found in your laundry bin. Nightwear,house pants, hair net. When your sister is a size 10 You know I checked out your sister on facebook that night and immediately knew she wasn't the owner of those clothes. Same reason why you would let me spend 100k on air tickets within one week because you didn't want me in cupids way. Notice how I started keeping my bag on the table ? I didn't want to desecrate her home. She owns you. If you could tell me all those falsehoods when I was supposed to be the one you 'cared for' I didn't say love because you didn't love me. It fee...