life and things

If I don't hear from God tonight It won't be a comfortable night Everything seems uncertain now I'm just wondering if I've ever had it this bad before There's potential in me I know it but right now, I feel alone M called me tonight The one I don't love To say his pastor called him Told him to leave me alone I guess this is the end. I've been scared that if he leaves I won't find someone to marry I prayed to God for a sign Received nothing Unless this is the sign I'm resigned to God. xoxo

Well, He suggested it Brazenly and subtly. I don't know what the idea is with guys and threesomes. It makes them live out fantasies and is born out of watching pornography ? I really can't tell. One thing I know however it that a guy who respects and values you. A guy who wants to wife you, won't ask you to bare down to your very nakedness and frolick in bed with another woman or watch him give himself to one. There are simple rules that govern the world and things go wrong when we try to circumvent or do it our way. The quiet soft spoken answer to a threesome should be no. But this question should raise issues in your mind that must be resolved before the relationship continues. 1. Does he really love me 2. Does he have an interest in another woman 3. Does he watch porn ? 4. Does he love God 5. Does he have other sexual fantasies that may become problematic to our relationship ? Answer these and you'll find the truth. xoxo

Someday my tears will dry. They will come to an end. My weakness will fade And I will have a good story to tell. Depression is real. When you burst into tears for no reason. When nothing brings you joy You stop taking care of yourself You can't be happy no matter how hard you try You lose motivation. You try to be strong but can't The future looks bleak. You starve You eat too much. You sleep too much You don't sleep at night thinking or you wake up early to think. If you're going through any of these, you are depressed. If you have thought of killing yourself it is severe If you are hearing voices and seeing people it is severe and you are now psychotic. Seek help. For now I'm just on moderate and I know it will be over soon. xoxo

This is what he said to me : Jeremiah 15:16- 21 xoxo

When you don't know what the future holds The present can be so bleak. I'm weeping asking God to save me from a marriage without love. That's because it appears like that's where I'm headed. That song 'Aint no sunshine when I'm gone' Sounds like 'Aint no sunshine in my life' It's dark clouds and raining skies just the way it has been here. I cry so much I've got crows feet Give me hope A ray, a glimmer That's all I ask from you Lord I'm weak, I'm down. I'm looking for something to believe in. This life hurts! It's cruel!! xoxo

This is the email I sent to my ex- after he walked away. Months later after april, I'm still crying and despite asking God to heal my heart I'm still hurting. Don't delete this email even if you're upset. It's my form of closure and if you've got anything to say, let me know. You may not though. I think you already 'walked away' so you've probably dealt with everything before now. I was really upset with you yesterday. It seems everything we were before your inability to forgive, u have completely forgotten. The things that endeared you to me and the times we shared before you decided that one christmas trip would be the end of us. I still remember how upset you were and how you changed after then. I still remember how you stressed yourself looking for network to talk to me when you were in owerri. After then, everything just seemed set up to fail. You didn't give us a chance after then. All the issues you raised aren't enough to walk away fr...

So you know what ? The sister and I are all chummy now And I have told her I dated her brother It took two days of awkward tales. But it came out. And what happened next ? It's like we are building back what we had. Things got awkward for a bit And guess what ? She's totally adorable No wonder I fell in love with her brother. xoxo

A time comes when you have to repent and move on from the things that displease God I've always known God but I often strayed Now I'm fully back on track and it's hard to remember how it feels to do those things I did before. I've forgiven my ex for now and I've moved on to other things. I'm busy setting up shop and I'm reading. Iife is good now. I miss 'him' - the only one I will ever love regardless of what happens. We spoke last night. xoxo

I still remember bumping into my boo of then days at about 12am-1am after the do and he was chatting away furiously with another chic. Guy thought I'd gone to bed and I just walked in on him doing the deed. The shock was amazing. He coulda peed right there I just acted like you know I'm a fool I see nothing. It was disastrous. I knew right then we weren't going to last much longer It took a week after that. So sad .. So sad Because I really hoped we could build something despite the differences. You see, he's catholic I'm not A different tribe I didn't mind that. But knowing his tribe only like to marry each other I knew problems lay ahead. Let's not get started about the money gist. That's for another day. xoxo

They actually are. The moment it gets captioned relationship everything goes awry. Sometimes in this need to give a dog a good name after hanging it you decide to 'make do' The best friendships I have had weren't relationships. They had no titles and those were the most faithful times of life. Maybe calling something a relationship is an attempt to chain oneself into believing a falsehood Something like- We like each other enough If you really like each other enough Nobody will hold you apart I guess I'm all for open relationships now Seeing as it makes for less heartbreak and less deceit. Que sera sera xoxo

Let's analyse this issue clearly There is no doubt that after saying yesterday I wasn't heartbroken I've changed my mind Today, I am. I had dreams, plans , I felt I'd found someone who would hug me back and hug me from behind while doing the dishes. Yes, it happened. Twice After that, the hugs lost meaning I could feel like I was the one hugging Then this one time he kissed me after looking at my braces and said 'It's working' I have those memories Slowly coming back I blanked out for months. Now I'm actually facing what has gone. I miss the fellow Despite all the things he said I miss what we had Going back to the doctors quarters over the weekend, it hit me hard. We made a memory there and it won't leave me. I'm strong I know I go through these things and I come out alive at the end. But I'm still looking for the tears to cry. They just don't come Do you know how you want to cry But the tears don't come ...

The answer is NO! You just shouldn't. There are some things that shouldn't be questioned and this is one of them. You don't sleep with two people in the same family. Cousins maybe but sister is too close It's like incest. Think about the dynamics. Do you really want to create a rift between family members just because you must fall in love ? You should actually look for love somewhere else besides a family you already dated in. Awkward won't begin to describe family events if you were introduced to the family prveiously. It's a no no! You already know this , so why are you seeking to justify what you are planning to do ? xoxo

So the ex directed me to his sister for some business and we got chatting. It felt awkward really because I'm saying to myself 'No babes, I don't want to be friends with you even you are so sweet because I don't ever want to see your brother again' I don't even want to be in a situation that will make me see him. I was to do some payment thing with her but when I passed by their office and saw his car, I just skipped on ahead. I don't think I want to see him ever. Not because I hate him so much but because I don't like being embarrassed. He rejected my calls 2x on the occasion when I was calling about this same business issue. They run a travel agency. I kind of have this tendency to stick to businesses/people I know although I don't know if a past relationship affects work ethic. Reason later why I prefer to deal with the sister at his suggestion. I don't even want to believe I dated him. It's surreal and it's heading into th...