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the reason i am me

it would be worthwhile to ask myself that question and some others too.
the one i'd most like to ask myself now is why i am still single at 26.
no useful relationship on the horizon and no apparent plans to settle down
instead i find myself bungled with one toxic fellow after the other.
ah,permit my brashness.
one must tell himself the truth one of these days and i guess my time has come to spill the beans
you know i have a horrible temper and some certain insecurities.
i never believe anyone likes me or love?love?ha that will mean u killed urself and u'll probably be dead by the time i realised u loved me.
but i think that is because people alwyas claim to love you until they turn around and do nasty stuff.
anyways,i like honesty and bluntness.....maybe thats why u like me too..ha habut it can get excessive.
i only wnat to make heaven thats why.
so i was saying that i always seem to meet and like people whoo have problems that need to be fixed.
either they are not intellectual equals or they have diction problems or they are some educational standard unacceptable or they have religious differencies or they have physical issues.
then the seemingly normal one sare emotionally unavailable.
so somehow i have kinda given up on this whole love thing.i just feel it wont work for me.
its not abourt dating cos i mean i kinda like not dating...it means i dont have to think of anyone first thing in the morning or care about anyone s wellbeing or make calls and sms and all of that creepy stuff which i seem to enjoy doing and quite effortlessly too when there seems to be someone i gat my sights set on.
the probl;em usually starts when i dont want to like them anymore.
oh,then i think about them in the morning and i wnat to kill myself for it.
and then there's this question we usually ask persons whom we suspect to be depreesed....about unexpected emotional outbursts...tears.that happens too.so maybe i'll complete this post in the near future.at that time i think i may have some more insight and more time to ramble on...
bottom line is this-i gat my temper under control and i also gat my insecurities under treatment.
the issue now is finding the perfect man.that i think is the real issue

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